Catherine Marshall (1914-1983) wrote Beyond Ourselves about her three-year struggle with a serious lung affection at age twenty-eight. When she contracted tuberculosis in 1943, there was no known cure. She sought out a bevy of specialists who were unable to bring her relief. She was confined to bed, trying to care for her three-year son alongside her husband Peter. She had already been bedridden for six months and she was sinking deeper into despair and spiritual emptiness. No doctor could tell her whether she would ever recover.
One afternoon she read the story of a missionary who had been an invalid for eight years. This missionary continually called on God to make her well, to no avail. Finally, she came to a point of self-surrender in prayer, “All right, God, I give up. If you want me to be an invalid, that’s your business. I want you even more than I want health. You decide.” Her prayer became a turning point for spiritual renewal and eventually her return to health. Catherine couldn’t forget the story, even though it made little sense to her. She came to a similar point of acceptance a few days later and surrendered her will to God in prayer, “I’m tired of asking. I’m beaten. God, you decide what you want for me.” There was no dramatic healing, Catherine would remain bedridden for another two years, yet she sensed Christ’s presence, and it was the beginning of her full recovery. She came to a point of reaching beyond herself, as reflected in the title of Beyond Ourselves. She wrote, “The old cliché, ‘God helps those who help themselves’ is not only misleading, but also dead wrong. My most spectacular answers to prayer have come when I was so helpless, so out of control as to be able to do nothing at all for myself.”
I identify with another prayer she offers in her book when answers to my petitions aren’t forthcoming: