When I first came to faith in Christ, it was positively exhilarating. God became intensely real and personal, and the prospect of following Christ captivated my imagination. If truth be told, I loved God primarily for the blessings derived from this new life of faith. My initial euphoria gave way over time to more difficult interior work. I became painfully aware of my attachment to self-centered concerns. Letting go of this excessive self-preoccupation was (and still is!) difficult and painful.
A sixteenth century Spanish priest and monastic reformer, Juan e Yepes (1542-1591), who later adopted the name, John of the Cross, coined the phrase “dark night of the soul” to describe this arduous transition from loving self to loving God. In modern parlance, we use dark night of the soul to describe any challenging season in life. John employed this image of darkness to describe the disorienting experience that accompanies the shift from self-absorption to loving God. He believed that only God could break the stronghold of self.
John was abducted and imprisoned for nine months in a miserably small prison cell. In almost total darkness, God’s light illumined his soul, enabling him to compose his most substantive writings. He urged fellow monks not to run from the darkness, as it will eventually give way to God’s light. He exhorted readers to keep praying in the darkness for what God will yet reveal to them. Letting go of self can be painful, but it brings greater release as we enter a deeper union with God. During his imprisonment, John prayed in his devotional writing Spiritual Canticles: