Aug 6, 2023

Joseph Bayly

Surgeon General C. Everett Koop attended the funeral for his friend’s eighteen-year-old son, who died in a sledding accident. Everett, whose own college-aged son died in a rock-climbing accident, recalled the moment in the service when his friend Joe went forward to speak about his son. Everett wrote, “Joe Bayly went to the front of the church…The lump in Joe’s throat was so large he could barely talk. But he did and his opening words are burned forever in my mind, ‘I want to speak to you today about my earthly son and his heavenly Father.'” Joe and his wife Mary Lou had already lost two sons to death–one at eighteen days following surgery and another at five years from leukemia.
I first became acquainted with Joseph Bayly (1920-1986) from his book A View from the Hearse: A Christian View of Death, also published under the title, The Last Thing We Talk About. I was a recent seminary graduate and just starting out in a new pastoral call when I read his book for help in ministering to grieving people. His candor in writing about grief from the vantage point of a dad who lost three sons remains with me after all these years. I still recall one sentence from his book, “Don’t forget in the darkness what you have learned in the light.”

Joe also wrote Psalms of My Life. One of his prayers, “A Psalm of Single-Mindedness,” follows here:

Lord of reality, make me real not plastic
synthetic
pretend phony
an actor playing out a part–
A hypocrite.
I don’t want to keep a prayer list,
but to pray.
Not agonize to find your will,
but to obey what I already know.
I don’t want to argue theories of inspiration,
but submit to your Word.
I don’t want to explain the difference
between eros and philos and agape,
but to love.
I don’t want to sing as if I mean it.
I want to mean it.
I don’t want to just tell it like it is,
but to be it like You want me to be.
I don’t want to tell others how to do it,
but to do it.
Not to have to be always right,
but admit it when I’m wrong.
I don’t want to be a census taker,
but an obstetrician bringing forth new life.
Not just an involved person, a professional,
but a friend.
I don’t want to be insensitive,
but to hurt where other people hurt.
Not just to say, “I know how you feel.”
but instead to say, “God knows and I’ll try
if you’ll be patient with me
and meanwhile, I’ll be quiet.”
I don’t want to scorn the cliches of others,
but to mean everything I say
including this prayer.

Rev. Dr. Peter James served 42 years as the senior of Vienna Presbyterian Church in Vienna, VA — 21 years in the 20th century and 21 years in the 21st century. He retired in 2021 and now serves as Pastor-in-Residence at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary.

Even as a pastor, prayer came slowly to Pete. Read Pete’s story.